My father went home to be with his Lord in April of 2002. This “Calling to Higher Service”, although not unexpected, created an almost unfathomable void that really “rocked” me. My protector, provider, shoulder, encourager, teacher and leader had left me.
It was especially difficult for me as my mom was also mourning the loss and there were other peripheral issues happening in my life at the same time. I prayed, sang songs and read God’s word even more than usual to encourage myself and to weather the storm. Despite there being good days and not so good days, there was an ever present problem… I just could not sleep!
This went on for over twelve months all the way into 2003. I would be up at nights after mom went to bed. I would watch the television, cook, read, pray, sing, stare at the ceiling, clean the house and any and everything else that I could do to occupy the waking hours. It did not feel like a spiritual issue as I was sure that I belonged to Jesus and had good fellowship with him.
One day at work, I went to see the doctor on the shift. I wanted him to prescribe some sleep aids for me. As expected, he enquired about my reason for such a request. After a battery of questions, psycho analyses about my state of mind and what may be happening in my life, he eventually gave me a one week prescription. I thought “surely this should do the trick”, but it had little and unwanted effects. I would feel drowsy, but still could not sleep, I would still be awake at nights but sleepy at work. Lethargy and disinterest became the order of the day. I eventually stopped taking the medication.
Several more sleepless nights passed and with no rest in sight, I beckoned again to my Jesus. He said “Read Psalm 91”. I read Psalm 91, and that very same night I felt a natural desire to sleep. The insomnia departed, sweet peace and rest took its place.
There is no problem that that Jesus cannot handle. “God’s mercy kept me so I wouldn’t let go”.